I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
