We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize