I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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