I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
