Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
