if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
