I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You took a bar mat shot.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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