Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
