I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
