pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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