Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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