my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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