I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
