Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
