I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize