so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize