omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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