This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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