she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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