My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
