I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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