You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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