A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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