i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
