DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
