yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
