I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
