I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
