you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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