Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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