I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm bleeding and have questions
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
