No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
