You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
