saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She needs sedatives and a leash
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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