Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Randomize