i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
