I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize