textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
