No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
