I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
