you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
