u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
