I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
