Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
