When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
