remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
