The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize