My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Fuck appropriateness.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
