this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
