Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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