I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it's great music for shaving your balls
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
