so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
