I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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