The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
