Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
