i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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