And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
