I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
