McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
