Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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